slushy christmas

some children's television is so fucking mindnumbing that I simply cannot believe that some adult actually approved of its creation. It's no wonder we're a nation of idiots.
I say this on a very white Christmas eve-the little r is sick on the couch alternately coughing and barfing and sleeping. I am puttering and trying to mentally check everything off the list as I go in preparation for my favourite Christmas moment-the moment when it's too late and I can officially say to myslef-"it's too late to give a fuck now". And I open a bottle of wine, wrap some gifts and watch Love Actually for that very lovely and sad moment when Emma Thompson's character opens her presents expecting beautiful jewellery and gets a cd instead. That is my mood as I end off the pre-Christmas extravaganza-wistful, sad and brave.
I hope if you're reading, you have a very peaceful day.

a loving refusal

isn't it such a confusing time? I feel like everyone is running around trying to get everything done in the hopes of grasping at something resembling the Christmas spirit and failing miserably. Little r and I have been chilling in front of the tv, colouring and baking, but I feel this pressure spend money that I don't have. My man is getting sick because he is so busy at work and stressed out. We had an awful weekend but I made it clear to him that I was no longer going to get sucked into his misery and that I would not put myself out for him (although I will put out LOL) unless he was willing to behave in a respectful and kind way. We went out for brunch on Sunday and it was nice to see him try to make conversation with me for a change, I felt perfectly comfortable not trying to ingratiate myself to him. He asked me what I was going to do differently in 2009 and I told him that I was going to practise taking care of myself and "not giving a shit"-that is to say that I have spent all the hours I can worrying about his health and happiness and feelings about me and it is high time to spend my precious energy on me. He seemed ok with that but asked me if I could spend some energy on trying to love him. I refused. But lovingly.

the force is with me

I saw a psychic a couple of weeks ago who told me that my aura was like, massive and therefore so was my psychic energy. She said that people react very strongly to me-sometimes in a negative way because they sense my energy field and they don't know how to handle it-I intimidate people. ( I thought they just didn't like me-now I know it's my aura) She said that my energy often dictates the energy of the room and that I am on this earth to use my super-powers to teach people. Unfortunately, she didn't tell me what it was I was supposed to be teaching the world, or how I was supposed to teach them. She told me I had BIG things to accomplish in this life and that since I had been through so many lives (being a number 11) I was getting weary of having to go through it all again next life-so I had better get moving. Then she smiled and said "No pressure, eh?" She didn't tell me what those big things are. Or just how sweet my next life might be. She said that I still have some healing to do and that my job is also to teach R how to heal. (Like I want that fucking job). I can hardly get the energy to look for a somewhat decent job and now it seems that for the next 60 or so years I am going to be very busy teaching the world to sing and healing myself and bringing great beauty and health to this place. It's a good thing I've got the force with me, otherwise I would feel too weary.

snow jogger

Breathing in. Breathing out. This time of year it is hard to remember to do that. I am gradually becoming the kind of woman who jogs through the snow in the rain. My clothes are getting slightly looser and my energy level is climbing up. Years, even months ago I would have written off a work-out on account of the bad weather, but now I see that I was just being a wimp. The yoga moves are getting easier too. I went out and bought myself a very fancy high-tech jacket to run in and I swear it gave me a sturdier step in that snow! I am so loving these moments of running, and then yoga in the stillness and quiet in my home-when the kids are at school, R is at work and there is order and the sights of winter through my windows. But now it must end as I must go out and join the throngs of people rushing around trying to buy gifts and groceries in time for the craziness. Happy snowy/rainy day!

Backlash in the new millenium

Warning: A rant is coming....

I am so tired of having to deal with men who are either living in the 60's or are so fucking fragile that any womanly input has their balls shrinking back up into their bodies faster than you can say "Passive-aggressive".

there. I feel better now. Thanks for listening. No, no, no, I am not talking about my man-one thing he doesn't need to grow is some cojones-I am talking about my ex-man. What did he do now you ask? Well, you see, I am having a slight problem with my older girl-the puberty one. She can't seem to hand in any of her work on time, the work she does hand in is crappy. She can't seem to remember to bring home her agenda, can't seem to bring home anything at all from school for that matter inculding permission forms and information that I need. She blames it on the teacher, or it's at my dad's, etc. She refuses to show me her low test scores-which I find crumpled up at the bottom of her bag 3 weeks later. Now, big girl is very smart-she is in fact in a class for "gifted" kids. She can write well, she can create, she can follow instructions. What she can't do is get organzied. So, after many many futile and frutiless conversations with her about this I just decided to enlist the help of her father whom she often implicates in her excuses. I told him that I was planning to take away her internet privileges until she can start to remember to bring home her agenda and do her work in the alotted time and could he do something along the same lines becasue it is impossible to discipline a kid who has 2 homes unless the discipline is consistent. I believe it's called teamwork. I sent him an email then I waited. I waited and waited. Nothing. This morning as I was looking over her work (2 weeks late at this point) and pointing out the several spelling errors, she told me that her dad told her he wasn't going to take away her computer privileges at his house because (and this important so pay attention) I am always telling him what to do in his house.

I laughed and laughed and then I realized she wasn't kidding. Then I went to the calender because I was sure we had jumped back into the 60's. Then I compained loudly about the dangers of getting involved with passive-aggressive men who have no balls and can't stand up for themsleves. Then I cleaned the kitchen in an aggressive frenzy-my kitchen is now very clean. Then I sent him a very condescending email pointing out that perhaps he should take karate or tae-kwon-do so that he could perhaps build up his self-esteem a little, and by-the-way the child support cheque is late so get moving.

Now you got me all riled up again. I've got to go clean something.