we are in the backyard. She hears the faint sound of music from inside the house. Sinead O'Conner is singing.
little r "mommy, I hear music. God's wife is singing."
big girl-"God doesn't have a wife. God isn't a man. Maybe you should marry God"
little r "I can't marry God. I already have a boyfriend"
big girl-"you're too young to have a boyfriend"
LR- (indignant) "NO I'm NOT!!
BG-"yes you are!"
LR-"NO, I'm NOT!!" (eyes rolling, chin jutting out, arms in the air as if to exclaim : the things I have to put up with).
pause. face becoming softer.
"Well, I love God"
"Actually, I love God, but I'm not in love with God"
ME-" what's the difference between being in love and just love? (the million dollar question..)
LR-well, I'm not in love with God, I love myself, but that's just who I am, that's me.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
shit
Oh Lord I just committed the biggest sin of all sins in the parenting bible and had a very loud and drawn out argument with my ex in front of my poor kid. But it wasn't enoughtdo have it in front of her-I had to go and do it in front of half her soccer team, her best friend and her coach and teachers. Go big or go home I guess. I am such an asshole! In my defense I tried to walk away several times but the man kept following me like in a movie where I turned the other way and he'd turn right along with me and continue to yell at me. I know it takes two but I felt completely ambushed by his freakiness over something he had been given plenty of opportunities to avoid. And it was all over what amounts to a 3 hour over lap in the schedule! I hate that fucking schedule.
I apologized to my daughter and my other daughter and her friend and now I also feel that I should have the school call an assembly and apologize to them as well. I should apologize to the universe for all this bed energy.
I am off now to have a glass of wine and repent.
I apologized to my daughter and my other daughter and her friend and now I also feel that I should have the school call an assembly and apologize to them as well. I should apologize to the universe for all this bed energy.
I am off now to have a glass of wine and repent.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
firefighters
Been away awhile without doing much in between these days of not writing-I've been thinking about firefighters.
As a woman who was once divorced I hooked up with some lovely firefighters one spring one summer. They were such lovely men. All divorced all brave and handsome and sexy. I made out with one of them in his car in my driveway and the man was such a good kisser that I didn't want to leave the car even though I knew I had to. Another was so sweet and sassy and had such beautiful curly hair. One day he drove me to work in the morning and he started to tell me about his job and how his station had one of the big cranes to go up high into fires and he described how sometimes you would be surrounded by flames just to do your job but it was the best way to save people sometimes. He may have been giving me a line but I have to say I practically had an orgasm just listening to him. It was the first time I understood the "men in uniform thing". It was just so masculine and brave and hot for the first true time in my life I really started to appreciate MEN for being so different from women.
The third firefighter however, was the best. He was the best. He was the kindest, sweetest, most loving man and he was fun too. And he saved children from drowning and he pulled kittens from trees. And as a recently divorced woman, I was down. I had a baby who had changed my body. I had not been loved in a good way for a long time and thought that I might never be again. I was 15 years older, not youthful anymore. I was insecure. That man loved me real good, I have to say. He'd go home and then I'd call him up and he'd come running back for more. That man made me feel like the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. I was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen when I was around him. That summer we were together was amazing and I am still sad that it had to end. I think about him a lot and wish I could see him to thank him for bringing me back up to an even higher ground. I hope he has a good woman-one who calls him up frequently and doesn't give him a hard time like we do with our men.
It may be a cliche and a stereotype to view firefighters as sex symbols-do they mind? I don't know, but I do know that these three guys changed my life. They changed my view of men at a time when it needed changing and they brought me into a part of myself I had denied. For that I don't mind.
As a woman who was once divorced I hooked up with some lovely firefighters one spring one summer. They were such lovely men. All divorced all brave and handsome and sexy. I made out with one of them in his car in my driveway and the man was such a good kisser that I didn't want to leave the car even though I knew I had to. Another was so sweet and sassy and had such beautiful curly hair. One day he drove me to work in the morning and he started to tell me about his job and how his station had one of the big cranes to go up high into fires and he described how sometimes you would be surrounded by flames just to do your job but it was the best way to save people sometimes. He may have been giving me a line but I have to say I practically had an orgasm just listening to him. It was the first time I understood the "men in uniform thing". It was just so masculine and brave and hot for the first true time in my life I really started to appreciate MEN for being so different from women.
The third firefighter however, was the best. He was the best. He was the kindest, sweetest, most loving man and he was fun too. And he saved children from drowning and he pulled kittens from trees. And as a recently divorced woman, I was down. I had a baby who had changed my body. I had not been loved in a good way for a long time and thought that I might never be again. I was 15 years older, not youthful anymore. I was insecure. That man loved me real good, I have to say. He'd go home and then I'd call him up and he'd come running back for more. That man made me feel like the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. I was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen when I was around him. That summer we were together was amazing and I am still sad that it had to end. I think about him a lot and wish I could see him to thank him for bringing me back up to an even higher ground. I hope he has a good woman-one who calls him up frequently and doesn't give him a hard time like we do with our men.
It may be a cliche and a stereotype to view firefighters as sex symbols-do they mind? I don't know, but I do know that these three guys changed my life. They changed my view of men at a time when it needed changing and they brought me into a part of myself I had denied. For that I don't mind.
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