a loving refusal

isn't it such a confusing time? I feel like everyone is running around trying to get everything done in the hopes of grasping at something resembling the Christmas spirit and failing miserably. Little r and I have been chilling in front of the tv, colouring and baking, but I feel this pressure spend money that I don't have. My man is getting sick because he is so busy at work and stressed out. We had an awful weekend but I made it clear to him that I was no longer going to get sucked into his misery and that I would not put myself out for him (although I will put out LOL) unless he was willing to behave in a respectful and kind way. We went out for brunch on Sunday and it was nice to see him try to make conversation with me for a change, I felt perfectly comfortable not trying to ingratiate myself to him. He asked me what I was going to do differently in 2009 and I told him that I was going to practise taking care of myself and "not giving a shit"-that is to say that I have spent all the hours I can worrying about his health and happiness and feelings about me and it is high time to spend my precious energy on me. He seemed ok with that but asked me if I could spend some energy on trying to love him. I refused. But lovingly.