These days I am feeling angry and depressed at the thought of my now-big-little-girl slipping away into the preference of her father's house. I am a pretty hard-ass parent and insist on "the rules" and often leave little room for negotiation-not always though. Her father has created a relationship whereby he is her sugar daddy who thinks nothing of paying $200 for a jacket for her, $100 for innappropraite winter footwear, etc all the while complaining that "your mother should be buying you these things" thus invoking the idea that I am the worse parent, the one who does not meet my requirements. He is a sneaky bastard and often complains to her that I am a liar, someone who is constantly interferring with his household. Yet, she prefers his household-the abundance of video game technology, the lax attitude towards homework, getting outside to play, housework and general particiaption in the world. At his place she is insulated from the world and her place in it.
I envy mothers who can maintain close relationships with their girls as they grow. I am becoming the one who wants to please her, the roles are reversing-is this what happens? I find myself feeling anxious to connect with her, planning these outings and conversations and positive interactions-but the reality is that she is often grouchy and argumentative thus making anything positive nearly impossible to achieve. I feel out on a limb with this although I know I am not.
3 comments:
it does not sound fair. And it does not sound like he is going to be reasonable about it, he is using her as a pawn it seems to piss you off and undermine you.
Maybe it is time for you to have a heart to heart with her about the way things are and how it is being done. I honestly don't know.
But it sure would piss me off.
A difficult place to be in.
But just wait until the real issues start...she'll realize he has no backbone and no answers, she will lose faith in him eventually.
Trouble is, she is able to escape her responsibilities with him-and she values this now, but she probably won't later on.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this lovey.
Her father sounds like an ass. Must be frustrating. It's tough having a good relationship with any child. My daughter and I get along and fight and get along and fight, but it's always been like that, even when she was small. It's the way she is and the way I am.
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