dreams

I have nothing to say...how pathetic is that? I am living vicariously through my dreams, some sweet some bitter.

The other night I dreamt I was married to David Beckham and we were on flight to Madrid, we were moving there. Sitting next to each other I had my hand under his waistband on his very firm lovely groin and he had his hand on mine-not so firm yet lovely in my dream. We were cuddling. When I woke up I lay still and enjoyed the feelings of warmth and love that the dream created for me.

Last night I dreamt that I had taken R on a trip to England on a Beatles odyssey-an alternative that was taking us through John Lennon's childhood (?). We were oustide in a field and were being shown some re-entactment of his childhood brilliance in which I was engrossed. When I moved off to the side to stand with him he asked me if I wanted to go back to the hotel to invite "Nargis" out to a drink with us because she just saw her "lovely form in green walking across the field" from a distance. This was supposed to be a romantic get away for us and yet here he was enjoying the beauty of some aquaintance of ours while ignoring me completely. I was pissed and told him so and he responded by getting mad at me for my jealousy and stormed off to read in his hotel room, leaving me to feel rejected on 2 levels.
I woke up after that and was very upset for a long time. It felt true although I knew it was just a dream and I had to lay still in bed for a long time going over it and letting it penetrate that it was a figment of my own imagination (although maybe not entirely a FIGMENT-you know?) I decided to alter the ending of my dream in this way: I go back to the hotel and check out-while he's gone I pack my bags and move to my new hotel in a different part of town and spend the remainder of my vacation reading, walking and drinking wine in the English countryside. He goes off with his vision of lovliness and they live happily ever after.
I guess I've always felt that I am in the way of him finding true love. I've never felt him looking that way at me, or even noticing me across the crowd, or sometimes even not across the crowd. I guess I felt invisible every time we were together and was always on the alert for his attention. To think all this time I couldv'e been on a plane with David Beckham...