There are, as usual, so many things that I need to accomplish-some simple, some grand, I cannot find the time. I am home with the little one most of the time-entertaining her, and taking care of this home. When she is not home I am not home either-volunterring, doing errands or simply breathing. It's making me feel lazy and wasteful. It's frustrating me and paralyzing me with procrastination and lack of focus.
I spend so much of my energy managing other people and their things that there is often little time and energy left over for myself. I don't even know what I'd do with my energy-I'm so fuzzy on all the details and everything seems to need to take place in the future. I'm talking in half sentences here but it's a sign of my brain.
I am dreaming of the days when my days are my own. No one else's stuff to take care of for them, no messes to clean up, no making lists for them to ignore. I used to be productive as all hell but now it seems I am drowning in other people's to do lists.
Where the fuck did my life go??????
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