Lately, swirling dramas notwithstanding, I feel as though a lot of my time is spent managing other people's inability to manage themselves. I'd make a great secretary-oops executive assistant. I have forced my way into the financial no man's land of our income and made a budget. Not a perfect one, but a working one. A perfect one would have an extra $10, 000 per month to work with. I feel resistance at every turn although I do not know why-I'd love to hand it over to my accountant. Just give me my allowance, make some investments, pay the bills and leave me alone. No that's not true. I do like using my calculator. I like knowing where it goes and how. I need to know.
When I was little I would count my money endlessly. I loved having it, I loved saving it and watching it grow. I was a careful spender even back then. As an adult my taxes were always paid on time, I always saved some every month and I always worked however many jobs I needed to have enough money left over. Now my life has turned on its head. I long for that independance and control over my money. I am happy whilst part of a couple to pool my money for the greater good but I also expect that river to flow both ways-which is does not always do. At least not without some effort.
I hope that as spring comes, there will be a growth of faith in my amazing and miraculous ability to organize the world-at least our world. An upswing of trust and goodwill and a willingness to balance out weakness with strength, like with dislike. A sort of financial/pyschic give and take.
And I hope nothing major happens...
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1 comment:
Before the shit hit the fan I thought we were majorly up the creek money wise, and now I think less so. I'd forgotten how much of a difference it has to have complete control over my budget. It's not a big one, but being the only one to actually spend and be accountable makes it much easier.
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