my high horse

I'm feeling pretty sanctimonious today, pretty self-righteous. I love that sometimes, how sometimes I allow myself to get up on that high horse and rail away. Then I usually do what I am railing against doing anyway so it's all a bunch of hot air.
So I really don't see why I should go out of my way to spend my day with toxic scary people to whom I do not matter at all just in the name of family harmony or pretend family harmony. It's not even my family, it's his and he is clearly not mine, not the way I want him to be-he has put his hands up only this close, stay this far and I have no choice but to tolerate it, to accept the limitations of his love and the ripple down effect it has on my life, my heart so today, I really don't see why I should commit to this dysfunction especially when I could spend the day with MY near and dearest. Talk about yer run on sentence! Anyhow, like I said I'lll probably end up going because it might not be worth the guilt (how's that for being a grand scale wimp) to skip the occasion-which may turn out just f-i-n-e after all. But still, I really do love my self-righteousness today and would much rather spend the day drinking wine with my friend in the city than in paradise with her.