tied up

and so since I am on this kick about taking care of myself I walked around yesterday feeling like my life is completely out of control. Everything is unfinished or ignored and disorganized. I am sure some pyschologist would say that I create chaos so that I can avoid dealing with and facing my fears of failure or rejection (I think one already did..) I went to a meeting at the YMCA because I am trying to get a subsidized membership and once I got there I realized that I was told that I didn't even fill out the forms properly and just going there left me filled with a sense of complete and utter failure-like I am still in high school trying to figure out what the fuck I am going to do with my life only my life is half over. What a downer! The guy that I think is going to hire me, well thought, hasn't called me and although I have emailed him twice I am afraid to call him in case he tells me he's changed his mind and thinks I am such a loser that he won't even give me a shot. Maybe he just doesn't check his email and he's waiting for me to call him. I just tie myself into knots trying to come out unscathed only to end up..well tied up in knots.