wife vs mother

In a moment of boredom the other day I turned on the tv and flicked through the channels until I passed the Oprah show-she was talking to MOMS about THE THRUTH ABOUT BEING A MOM and all the moms were SHARING their funny little stories about how they cheat and cut corners on their vision to be a PERFECT MOM and the little secret resentments they have about BEING A MOM. I couldn't help but think that it's not really being a mom that is the soul sucking thing-it's being a wife. Taking care of a kid wouldn't be that bad if we also didn't have to take care of a man, a partner, a house, a job, a boss, a bunch of things that suck our energy and time and identity. I remember in University (Women's Studies, of course) learning about the separation of wife from mother and it was like a Eureka moment. It's quaint when we say that what Moms really need is a wife. The nature of WIFE is to take care of all the domestic, all the social, all the relationships that the family needs taken care of. When we have to combine the work of mothering with the work of being a wife, it's no wonder we feel overwhelmed/understimulated. In all these years of feminism and social change, I really don't think all that much has changed for women with a few small exceptions.
Much of the time I receive great joy and strength from my children. I love being a part of their lives and a witness to their growth. My identity as a mom is something I am very proud of and has brought tons of healing and love into what was once a very broken life and heart. Mom as an identity is a good thing for me, wife something I could easily do without...