First snow of the season!!! It's interesting that everyone I've talked to today is happy about it, like finally some weather! I'm in a bit of a wistful mood, not quite ready to look forward, feeling the past tugging at me, making me feel like I'm going to miss somethings when they're gone. The things we do will become the things we used to do, I can feel the future shifting already from the things we were going to do to the things we will not do again. Simple things like routines and coffee and complicated things like gifts and shopping and holidays. All of a sudden the future feels fuzzy where there used to be at least some clarity.
Already I am feeling calmer, clearer within. Like everything has settled inside me and the butterflies have left me. I don't cry anymore. I used to cry all the time, but for some strange reason I do not feel like crying except at the appropriate sad commercials on tv. Maybe I am numb, maybe I don't feel anything, I don't know. I've been feeling pride, joy, love, anger, loneliness, judgement, regret, resentment, sad, tired, fear, confusion=all the normal things that one feels in the course of a day or two, so it can't be that I am numb. No, just resolute and wistful. (can we feel both at the same time??)
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2 comments:
Oh yes you can feel both at the same time. I constantly wonder if I am numb, but like you, I don't think I am. Those shitty feelings flare up, for sure, but much of the time I feel hopeful and capable, and dare I say, almost excited.
There are a lot of things you can do, you know. Let's talk.
um...speaking of clarity...i require more on this.
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