Confused

I have been at home sick for the past day so R has been in charge..well to the extent that he can be in charge, which looks more like me telling him what to do from the couch. I may be pushy but I do have children to take care of. If I left it up to him they would get fed-but not unitl 10:00pm. This is a real problem for him, a real concern for me-how not in charge he is sometimes. Maybe he's just not used to it.

He did all the right things though. He did the dishes, cleaned the cat shit out of the box, brought me tylenol and made his own dinner. He made the child her snacks (at my request.) (He did leave me a full sink of dirty dishes in the morning though).

He would have done them, I know he just ran out of time.

Time with him is the really big issue. He spent almost an hour washing the dishes. He spent an hour preparing his own dinner. He spent 2 hours relaxing in front of the tv after his "gruelling day" at work. He had a headache. I can't seem to make him see that spending 45 minutes washing dishes is excessive-he thinks that's how long it takes to get them clean.

Sigh. It would be a fight-he would get defensive. It would end poorly for both of us, so I avoid the subject. Compared to me. he has absolutely NO time management skills. I therefore, have to spend my energy managing his time for him so that things like my kids can get fed and put to bed.

Maybe I don't give him enough credit, he's better than a lot of men. Maybe I am controlling, but I see his whole evening going down the drain needlessly because of this issue. I wish I could talk to him about it, to show him how to manage his time in a way that doesn't make him angry and defensive. His biggest complaint in life is his lack of time but he refuses to see his own time wasting in the big picture and in the day-to-day of his life. He seems unable to make any changes for the better in his own routines and approaches to things. He refuses to use the dishwasher!! I would like him to have more freedom-that's why I do so much for him-so that he not only gets things done but has time to sit down at the end of the day too. I do it everyday afterall

I can only see this an as argument with no winner. Both of us should be the winner but he won't change. I don't know if he can. What do I do??