My older daughter has accused me of being crabby all the time. R treats me with contempt on a regular basis. Even the little one has a pretend mommy. I am trying very hard not to curl up into a ball and will myself into oblivion.
I am trying (despite the opinions of the people with whom I live) to be positive in my day-to-day life. I try to be present when they are talking to me. I try to say positive things to them and ask lots of questions. I try to smile and play good music. It only seems to annoy them.
I am not trying to be the victim but it seems clear to me that there is something wrong with my approach. Maybe I take my daughter's comments too seriously. Maybe R is right to be suspicious of my motives. The little one also has 3 pretend dogs that she takes for walks holding their leashes (for the record their names are Spot, Mr. Murphy and Furry).
Sometimes, I think that it would be easier to join the medicated legions of 50's wives who were supposed to be just so happy to serve without the obligations to self that we have. It strikes me that this traditional arrangement of man-at-work woman-at-home really can't work in our era of self-actualization, of the expectation of equality. I am an uppity woman, a woman who expects equality and fair treatment. I expect comradery and companionship with my partner, I expect him to take as much pride and care in the domestic as I do, and I expect him to take as much pride and care in the emotional as I do. I expect to take part in politics and commerce and decision making.
Would it make life easier if I didn't expect too much??
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2 comments:
Life would be grand if I had no expectations.
My expectations have always been at odds with what I received. i don't know. Perhaps the were too high? I had to learn how to relent a tiney bit to avoid being dissappointed.
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